I’ve never been one for making New Year’s Resolutions. I tried once or twice, but I suppose they lacked conviction cause they never really worked out. I’d actually not even thought of the fact that it would be New Year’s when my Oath came into effect.
A while back – a long while, about October – I became horribly depressed with how boring school is. All my life I’ve been an excellent student without trying too hard, and my only motivation has been that I like learning things, and that this is what I do in life so I ought to do it well. I’ve never needed anything else; but suddenly school was boring and easy, and I wasn’t learning much that I didn’t already know.
I gave myself until Christmas to find some new motivation. Until then, I got to slack off as much as I jolly well pleased; after Christmas, I would have to get the best grades I could whether I liked it or not. This seemed like a nice arrangement at the time, and gave me time to find some motivation. I got to cut P.E. every single week, and once or twice another class when it got to be too much.
Only I never did find any real motivation. The best I’ve got is “I need to have good grades when I leave this place so I can get into a good college.” This is not exactly inspiring. And now I’m back from break, and I don’t even get to cut P.E. anymore.
I’ve sworn an oath to excel in all my endeavors, and it means I can’t just tune out when the teacher asks ridiculously easy questions about the American Civil War, or neglect to fill out the worksheet in Geography about water. No, I have to raise my hand and answer, I have to finish the sheet and ask her if there’s anything I still need to add. I’m not perfect – I hadn’t actually read the pages I was supposed to for that class, and those essays I need to make up I’m not touching till next week – but I have to actually try to be. It’s put me in a semi-permanent bad mood.